Fueling Up with the Savior I Need

At the beginning of this Lenten season, I shared how I was going to literally and figuratively slow down and "Be Still" before God. With Good Friday and Easter - the climax of Lent -quickly approaching, I think it's only fitting for me to take a step back and evaluate how my walk (or drive!) with God went during Lent... have I slowed down? Been intentional? Grown in my knowledge of and relationship with God? Lived passionately for Him?

I would love to answer with a resounding YES! but I know that wasn't always the case. Yes, I did slow down (for the most part), I was intentional with my time with God and others (most of the time), and noticed that I grew in knowledge of the Truth (during parts of Lent). But God doesn't want or accept "for the most part" when it comes to my relationship with Him. That certainly wouldn't have cut it for Jesus' life and death on Earth! How miserable and hopeless we would have been, had Jesus only obeyed God for the most part, or stayed close to his Father in heaven to know His will most of the time, or mostly lived a perfect life in my place?! Praise God that Jesus was fully committed to my salvation!

Looking back on these past six weeks, it's sad to say it only took one trip midway through Lent where I was hurried and running late for me to intentionally start speeding. Then it didn't take long for it carry over into not only being less precise and exact about my speeding in the car, but also into being more busy and 'speeding' through life. I was still mindful of my speed, but caution and precision took a back seat to my own expectations, impatience, and pride. It was an obvious yield sign that I must continually die to old self (Ephesians 4:22-24) and put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) because my sinful nature and the devil are constantly at work within me (Romans 7:1-25).

I noticed myself speeding by placing my to-do's, lists, meetings, and duties (some of which were even spiritual like Bible Study planning or writing in my blog or journal) above being still and waiting upon the Lord. I got wrapped up in my hard work and service but wasn't getting fueled up to sustain my speed and direction. As I have been learning from the wonderful example of Mary and Martha, I put the "Kitchen Service" of working hard and serving before the "Living Room" intimacy with God. The work I got so caught up in was by no means bad, but I have to remember what should always come first and where I find the strength to pursue such tasks - my relationship and intimacy with God! He desires my heart and availability above all else... what an easy request, yet I make it out to be so much harder than it is!

As I started speeding along more and more, I also became impatient with the road blocks and slow drivers in my way - particularly with my knee surgery recovery. I met with my surgeon a few weeks ago, expecting to hear good news because of how well everything seemed to be going. But I was blind-sided - no running, jumping, plyometrics for another 4 months! Rather than trusting that God had my ultimate good and healing in mind, I've been tempted to question His plan in regards to my surgery and health: God, why have you required this surgery so I can't enjoy my normal activities, working out, and even volleyball? I hate biking! I hate swimming! Don't you care that I'm getting out of shape? I started sounding a lot like the Israelites as they were wandering in the desert and speaking against God:

Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!

But when I read further in Numbers 21, I see that when I, like the Israelites, repent of my sins, of my impatience, of my not trusting God's plan... I'm forgiven and healed. God had Moses make a bronze snake for the Israelites to look up at to be healed from the venomous snakes, but I've been given something even better - Jesus' cross and empty tomb.

As Good Friday and Easter approach, I can't help but think how often I choose or desire the "Jesus I want" like the Israelites of Moses' time and Jews of Jesus' time. All of the road blocks and speed traps I get stuck in are a result of my own expectations of what I think my path should look like; stemming from my lack of trust in my cartographer and His ultimate map. I had expectations about what God should do because I was working for Him... Expectations of how I can change others... Expectations of what my recovery should look like... Expectations of Him working on my timeframe and agenda... Expectations that God should make my life easy...

Praise God that Jesus' power is strong enough to break my expectations and that He is the Savior I need. He's luckily not a genie or king or servant answering to my beck and call, because if I'm honest, my heart fools me and I really don't know what I want or need or what's truly good for me. He shattered any power that sin, guilt, my expectations, death, and the devil held on me and gave me Himself! He is my eternal, humble servant King that I see riding into Jerusalem on a donkey on Palm Sunday... He provides personal assurance for me that my sins are forgiven on Maunday Thursday at the last supper... He innocently bore my sins and died a horrible death that I deserved on Good Friday... and He rose victorious on Easter Sunday. THAT is the Jesus I want and need! The Jesus that loves me and will sustain my trip here on earth until He calls me to my eternal home in heaven with Him. 

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who
are perishing, but to us who are being saved, it is the
power of God." -1 Corinthians 1:18

A Committed Life

Yesterday morning when I was getting ready for church, I hit the snooze button just a few too many times. I was therefore also running late. But, no speeding for me during Lent!! At first when I was leaving my apartment, I tried justifying it in my head, "Well, God, don't you want me to be in church on time? So it should be ok for me to speed to get there... just this once." But I knew I shouldn't because I had already made that commitment to Him not to speed so I can literally and figuratively slow down.

This turned into quite the blessing in disguise. Ok, nothing major like missing an accident... well, who knows actually. But I was able to spend some time on my own in worship in my car. After, of course, I prayed that God would help alleviate my impatience and frustration. Which also subsided.

When I did get to church, our sermon lesson was about Abraham being tested by God to sacrifice his only son Isaac (Genesis 22). Now there is a picture of someone walking by faith, of a Christ-centered commitment... nothing like a Lenten sacrifice of not speeding.

Clearly Abraham was upset and confused by this test and trial that God presented him - Isaac was his only son, born to him in old age, and supposed to be the offspring of the promised Savior! But, even in his doubt and hurt, he - and even Isaac - complied, trusted God, and obeyed what God said. He was committed in his faith and trusted God's plan, as confusing as it may be. In turn, because of his faithfulness, God stopped Abraham before he actually sacrificed his son. And he provided a substitute ram for the sacrifice instead. Just a few of the many reasons we shouldn't doubt God's plan:

• "For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." (1 Corinthians 1:25). We don't have a CLUE when it comes to God's plan. I'd like to think as an Academic All-American that I'm pretty smart, but to come close to the wisest man? Nah... I mean, it's not like I came up with the Fibonacci code (do I even know what that is?) or invented electricity or anything. And this kind of mind-blowing wisdom on earth... that's rubbish and foolishness to God. Hahaha. 

• "In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." (1 Peter 1:6-7). These trials and tests aren't for God's pleasure and enjoyment. They're for us. God uses tests and trials to reveal what's on the inside of our heart and purify us, refine us, and make us pure and holy. Not only is our faith in the midst of these circumstances credited to us as righteousness (Hebrews 11) but we also find out that God is more faithful to us than we ever thought. God shows up for those who love and follow Him.  

This lesson from Abraham and Isaac is such a beautiful picture of what God had to go through when sacrificing his son Jesus for us. God was clearly upset and in agony over having to sacrifice and abandon his only Son. But he loved us enough to go through with it anyways (John 3:16). When we are faithful and believe in Him, Jesus acts as our holy, perfect substitute before God. God followed through on his commitment to us so that I can be saved and live in heaven with Him. I think a little commitment about not speeding... or reading my Bible... or being devoted in prayer... or loving others as myself... can be followed through out of love and praise to Him too.

The sobering and sacrificial sight of what our sin cost our Savior.
The ultimate picture of sacrificial love and commitment. 

Be Still

I'm a control freak. I'm such a Type A personality. I have lists for any and everything. I try to be efficient and end up being unproductive. I hurry. I overthink. I make little things bigger than they need to be. Whoaaaa, yikes! That's probably not the way to attract a handsome, attractive young man, is it?! ;) I probably didn't need to share all of those lovely qualities... but I'm sure if you're honest, you can all relate.

Because my life seems to be a big 'to-do' list, my intimate time with God tends to be put on the 'when-there's-time' list. Oops!

This season of Lent, I truly do desire to know my Savior more intimately. I need to get rid of the distractions, the busyness, the hurry... and simply be still and sit at His feet. By doing so, I know a natural progression will arise that will allow me to:

• Better know Jesus, His love for me, and His perfect life lived for me
• Recognize and repent more openly and honestly of my sin
• Understand the holiness and awsomeness of God my Father
• Realize my utter dependence on Jesus my Savior and better understand His passion and journey that he endured for my sake
• Serve him more joyfully and freely 
• Ultimately continue to be still and sit at his feet more and more - because who wouldn't want to come to a fuller knowledge of all of these wonderful truths?!

That sounds like a lot, even for me, Miss List Queen! But it's not more I have to do. It's not my own ability or knowledge or will-power that God desires or needs to make this transformational heart change. It's actually less. It's availability. And that can be done when I just slow down and realize that my life and my lists really aren't that important. But knowing my Savior certainly is.

"Be Still and know that I am God; I will be exalted
among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." -Psalm 46:10

To help me be more still and slow down to avoid spiritual distractions this Lenten season, I'm giving up speeding. Weird, right? But it makes sense. Speeding just incites a spirit of hurriedness. Which leads to feeling like I always need to be going somewhere to do something. Which leads to this incessantly distracted, busy, and spiritually thirsty girl.

I'm also going to be learning and studying from a beautiful example in the Bible: Mary and Martha, in "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World." One woman who was distracted, over-worked, and frustrated. One, who was still, quiet, and available. And through this study, I hope to better understand how I can sit at my Savior's feet while still accomplishing the tasks that need to be done. How to be devoted in worship before accomplishing my work and service. How to have the "better life" that Jesus tells Martha about.

God just asks for my availability. He will do the rest and be exalted through me and my work. What peace and comfort Psalm 46:10 brings to this busy and striving young lady!