Green Beer & A White Heart

This whole week I have been looking forward to my 'first St. Patty's day at State.' A chance for me to witness the hype and energy of the day and show my Sparty pride while decked out in green. But with the day coming to a close, I'm left feeling disappointed, empty, and confused as to why this was ever even close to a desire. The day certainly didn't live up to its hype! But I, of course, should have seen that one coming...

Sure, getting up early, wearing my favorite color, and hanging out with friends is fun; but for someone whose intention isn't to get drunk and who doesn't love booze like, well, everyone who seems to celebrate this day, it got pretty old pretty fast.

I can't help but think of my earlier post about not being of this world. Although it was fun to be with friends at first, I quickly became bored, tired, annoyed, and irritated with the drunkenness surrounding me. I just didn't belong! Yet part of me had this expectation that I in some way should and am supposed to. This left me feeling even more frustrated, yet hopeful something would change.

Because I was really the only one or thing that could change given the circumstances, I did what only seemed natural for me - went home. Even as a little kid when me and my brother would get in fights, our frustration (and ok, probably our stubbornness) would mount to the point that arguing or fighting would never solve the problem. Our solution: we both went to our rooms and slammed the door. Maybe not ideal to run away from the problem, but at least we weren't fighting... right Mom? ;)

Anyways, I went home - able to bask in my (now royally screwed up) bracket and March Madness. Who doesn't love an entire day of basketball, upsets, and competition?! By far one of the best times of the year. So it's just me and the back-to-back-to-back games. But I had some unexpected surprises. Roommates, friends of roommates, more drunkenness, more messes, and anything but the peace and quiet I was longing for in my own home. And because in my mind, my solution was ruined, I became that little door-slamming child again and let my irritation show. My mind also started getting the best of me: "Why don't I have any other friends that I can go escape to anymore? Why no one that I can kick it with, play catch outside, and have no drunken, St. Patty's expectations? Why are these people ruining my home, my place of peace in order to escape the craziness?"

Clearly all of these frustrations and questions were from a selfish and judgmental heart. As I reflect back upon my day, it's clear that I missed out on the biggest part of my last blog - I'm supposed to be a light! Sure, I wasn't about to have the same experience as everyone else on this "Irish, drinking day" - as a follower of Christ that wasn't my desire nor would it please my Savior. But I certainly could have been more patient, forgiving, and loving to others if and when I was around them and things didn't go my way. And it may be a stretch, but having this attitude while not being drunk could have presented an opportunity to share my faith and explain why I don't indulge in a holiday like this.

So as I get ready to call it a day, I'm left not feeling quite as green, but rather a little blue. Blue that my expectations weren't met and that I ultimately let my selfishness and impatience get the best of me. And based on my day, God has a few reminders for me too:

• "And lead us not into temptation." (Matthew 6:13). Part of the Lord's Prayer that Jesus taught us. This takes a proactive and aware spirit on our behalf. Yes, God will definitely help and give me strength to fight temptation. But He also gives me warnings and ways to avoid tempting and spiritually unsafe situations. Being part of - or moreso thinking that I need to be a part of - the St. Patty's Day celebrations, in hindsight, is setting me up for failure and this disappointed demeanor.
• "I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me." (Jeremiah 33:8). Being broken and frustrated over my sin and the realization that I missed an opportunity to be clothed with Christ is a blessing. In my brokenness, God is near to me and forgives me and comforts me. 
• "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?'...Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:5-6,8). Things may not have gone my way. I may have been upset that I didn't have any friends to go see to get away. And in other circumstances, I may be intimidated and anxious about how certain relationships will work out. But through it all, God will never leave me. He and His glorious blessings never change. He is by my side through it all, reminding me that I always fit in and am always loved and accepted with Him - allowing me to be content. When I have the God of the universe on my side, what do I really have to be upset or worried about?? 

I (unfortunately for curiosity's sake) may not have gotten a mug of green beer to celebrate St. Patrick's day. And I may have been a little disappointed this day wasn't all it was hyped up to be. But ending the day with the reminder that Jesus my Savior is with me and makes my heart and sin as white and pure as snow is a much better color anyways. And hey - together they are the two best colors for any school in the nation!! Go Green, Go White, Go State!! :)

Sparty On! 

I'm Thirsty!

Water, as everyone knows, is essential for survival. It makes up 66% of our body and by the time we feel thirsty, we've already lost 1% of our total water amount. To stay hydrated, I use my handy-dandy Nalgene everyday. But yesterday when I got home from our Bible Study, I was extremely, abnormally thirsty. So thirsty that I had 2 full water-bottles before bed! 

This represents such a great picture... Just as my body longed for water to quench my thirst, so my soul must long for God's word to satisfy me. The Psalmist writes, "As the deer pants for water, so my soul pants for you, my God."

"You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land where there is no water."  -Psalm  63:1

 My soul's thirst is quenched from no ordinary water either. Rather, it’s from the Living Water - Jesus. He said, “Everyone who drinks this (well) water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Oftentimes when I start drinking water, I can’t stop because of how good, refreshing, and satisfying it is. God's word is the same way. That's why I found it so ironic how thirsty I was after Bible Study! After getting a taste of His precious word, my instinct was and should always be to want more - because it’s the wellspring of eternal life! "Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed are they who take refuge in Him." 

This Little Light of Mine

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world." (John 17:15-18)

Do you ever feel like you don't belong? Sure, we've all had that awkward and embarrassing moment when we're not picked for a team or not chosen by the cool kids. But what about feeling like you don't even belong in the world? That being faithful to God goes beyond getting questioned for the way you behave, to the point of getting discouraged people don't see things the way you do? That besides having your Christian circle of friends and family, you feel like you're it?

That may sound pretty extreme. But I know that when I'm on fire for God, the rest of the world seems stupid and I just want out. I'd just as soon be up in heaven with God, away from the falsehoods, the sin, the ignorance and stubbornness, and selfishly - away from the annoyances and temptations.

But God has a different plan... He knows I'm not of the world, and in fact, he continues to sanctify me (make me more and more holy - like Him) so that I can know his truth better. I'll thereby be less and less of the world (and perhaps more discouraged by it). And yet He has me here for an even greater reason and purpose.

You would think that with how evil the world is, how it continues to grow in evil and against God (i.e. think about the history of America and Christianity)... that God would protect me by taking me away from it so that I don't fall away, right? Wrong. He has faith in me, He is protecting me, and He will always be with me. Jesus even prayed on my behalf that God would protect me from the evil one. And when I am continually sanctified and in communion with Him, that is bound to happen.

I'm not of this world, and that's ok. Jesus wasn't either! But while I'm still here, I should learn from His lesson and command... I'm "sent out into the world." God wants me to be a "light on a hill." Rather than cowering away in a corner to be protected from evil, I'm supposed to go out in it, and share the Truth.

But it's strange. For how much I can be on fire for God and frustrated with the sin and people around me, I still find it difficult to share and be that light. When I'm outside of my protected circles - say bible study, church, Christian friends, or even my blog that I've identified as my Christian voice - I try to blend in. God has given me a voice, His power, His word, courage, a platform. It's time for me to use it, not second guess and be scared of posting or saying something Christ-like for fear of not belonging!

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!"

Just as light from a candle, bulb, or the sun can't be hidden even by a blanket or the clouds... so, too, the joy and light I have in Christ cannot and should not be hidden! It should be a beautiful, natural radiance that shines light into the darkened world. And I'm called, chosen, even commanded to share this precious light and truth with others so they, too, can be a light!

I think Matthew says it best in Chapter 5: "You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." I may not feel like I belong, but that's ok... because I have a precious light, I'm going to walk by faith and let it shine!