I'm a Big Kid Now!

The month of May and beginning of June brought about incredible change and amazing, new experiences for me as I graduated college and have just recently started my new job. As it has all unfolded and I've done and cared for more and more 'grown-up' stuff than I ever thought possible, I can't help but sing the little jingle from when I was little: "Mommy, wow! I'm a big kid now!"

Haha… alright, my 'big kid' life certainly doesn't relate to Huggies and um, leak protection… but that got me thinking even further about how my life is protected. And it's protected by much more than a pair of pants, but rather by my Lord and Savior. With each new "real-world reality" experience that I've encountered this past month, I can't help but see God's hand through it all… giving me the upmost confidence and joy as I enter into this new stage of life.

Obviously the first step of moving on was graduating and leaving East Lansing. The last few days at State were filled with so much joy and celebration. I spent time with the people I love and was continually reminded of how faithful and gracious God has been to me throughout my college career. I can look back and see that the experiences I was able to take part in, the relationships that were formed, and the opportunities that were presented to me were only by His grace and culminated into one amazing collegiate career. One which has also prepared me for what is to come.

Last volleyball-family hoo-rah :)

After graduation, I planned a little vacation for myself to see my brother at school in New Ulm, MN, and my friends in Tijuana and LA. Now not only were all of these destinations new to me, but all very, very different - from what I know and from each other. Yet in each place I was able to see and be reminded of God and His omnipresence.

Visiting Josh at MLC and getting to see his school and the community in which he's surrounded was incredible. You can just feel God there because He has made His dwelling in all of the students and community. As jealous as I may have been of the fellowship and encouragement that Josh is engrossed and surrounded in everyday, I couldn't help but think that I, too, was blessed in an entirely different way at Michigan State, a very secular school - quite the opposite of MLC. Living in such rich community like at MLC could have easily become a stumbling block to me if I wasn't careful - depending on the 'righteous people' I'm surrounded by rather than God to fulfill and build me up in the ways only He can. But being surrounded by the secular views and examples of blatant disbelief and sin at State created a longing inside of me to get to know my Savior more and more. It was a subtle reminder that God's timing and placement is perfect and that He will sustain me regardless of the environment - I just have to be faithful and abide in Him.

I then went to visit my best friend Ashley, who's on a mission trip in Tijuana right now with an orphanage. Going to Mexico was a culture shock for me not only because I don't know a lick of Spanish except maybe gracias and hola, but I've never crossed the southern border or seen the slums. Despite my discomfort, I felt such love and joy overflow from the kids into me. It was incredible to see, as Ashley had shared with me, their utter dependence on God... and in a way that I cannot and will not ever know. These kids have come from broken homes, abusive relationships, drugs, prostitution, you name it... and are still able to find hope and love and joy in their Savior because He is literally all they have. It was so beautiful, and a great reminder and encouragement to me, that my dependence on God should not be circumstantial, but continual - because we all are nothing and have nothing without Jesus' loving sacrifice. 

Finally, Ashley and I went up to LA to visit one of our good friends, Emma. It was such a blessing to spend time with some of my best friends and sisters in Christ... to be encouraged and spurred on and talk about everything. Even more, being in LA surrounded by all the things - the glitz and glam and money and materialism... it was a culture shock all over again after being in two completely opposite places! How sad of a life would you have if you really thought that this was it... Seeing this materialism contrasted against MLC and Tijuana gave me great perspective which lead right into my next 'new' life experience.

The month between school and my job starting wasn't all vacations and fun and games, I also had some preparations to make. Getting Insurance in my name... Opening a New Bank Account... Car Titles... Apartment Furniture and Items to prep for being on my own... Utility Bills... Budgeting... Buying a Car... Getting a Paycheck. It's as though my parents had been counting down to this day when they could finally cut the strings or something! ;) Figuring all of this out was exciting as I really started gaining a sense of independence, but it was also a little overwhelming, especially when I kept seeing the amounts of money that needed to be forked out for each new venture! But I was reminded more than once that I'm really just God's steward taking care of all of His things. What an honor that He would trust me with His possessions! And when I honor Him through my tithes and responsibility, He will always make it work out... even if I don't understand how. This precious promise has given me even more excitement as I can responsibly enter into this new stage of independence... or really this stage of fuller dependence on Him. 

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." -Isaiah 26:3-4

Another part of being on my own that I've been praying about is finding community. Going from an environment where I had teammates and classmates and fellow athletes and roommates to an area where I only know my co-workers is quite an adjustment. But God continues to show up and remain faithful. Although I've only been here one weekend, I was immediately welcomed and felt uplifted by the church I went to that was suggested to me by my pastor in East Lansing. As I've grown and matured as a young Christian woman, it has been these Christian communities that have become the most important and impactful elements to my faith. It looks like God is already one step ahead of me in providing another young and Christ-centered community that I'll be able to call not only friends but also brothers and sisters. 

Furthermore, despite the distance between me and all of my friends from State, I have been continually uplifted by them, providing me even more comfort as I make my home in a new area. I'm reminded again and again after I talk with each of them how much God has blessed me through wonderful friends and that distance doesn't really matter when He is at the center of it all... I have friends who aren't afraid to ask me the tough questions about my walk with God... friends who encourage me to walk as a godly and loving woman with a servant heart... and friends who uplift me through their own walk and faithfulness to the Lord. I'm overwhelmed when I consider how God has and does continue to provide exactly what - and who - I need to keep me close to Him, despite distance or things I may consider as obstacles. So with God's past faithfulness as my source of peace and confidence, I'm excited to faithfully follow Him and be encouraged by the people He has and will place in my life in Rochester Hills. 

And finally, what would all this 'new' be without the job that has prompted it all?! I can't even describe how blessed I have been to start at a company that totally takes care of and cares for their employees, where everyone genuinely wants to see everyone else succeed. We have fun and work hard and it's (so far at least!) been a great place to work. And with Colossians 3:17 being my guide, "whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him," I know that I will be able to find fulfillment in whatever my job title or description is because it's all for and by God!

I don't think I can say enough how amazing it has been to witness God's faithfulness to me during this season of life. And because of it, I can joyfully and confidently proclaim that "I'm a big kid now!" with my Lord and Savior protecting me under His wing, allowing me to continue to walk by faith. 

"He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield
to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards
the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones."
-Proverbs 2:7-8

The Sparty Countdown... #10 & #9

It's hard to believe that this is my final week in East Lansing and as a college student. I still vividly remember packing my room up at home the night before preseason, crying, being upset because our dog Lacey got sprayed by a skunk so no one was helping me (hahaha, yes, true story), and scared of what was to come at college. And now, here I am, 5 years later crying because I have to leave what has become my new home and life! Is this what they mean by the circle of life?!

Lacey getting a tomato juice bath
post skunk encounter

Because it has been difficult to come to grips with this chapter coming to a close, I've been inspired by both SportsCenter's Top 10 (and let's be honest - the Not Top 10 - which is far better) and another blog (a former opponent's, actually!) to create my own top 10 countdown... it's The Sparty Countdown (yes, please read with The Final Countdown song in mind)! I'll be documenting 2 of my favorite things and what I will miss most from MSU a day, finishing with 'the best of the best' on Friday, my final day here. I figure that making my Top 10 will not only serve as a good farewell and goodbye, but will also be a good coping tool for me as I try to embrace my last few days at State. 

My only regret for the countdown? I don't have videos of everything I'm about to share to really make it like SportsCenter! And (I know my mom will say "I told you so!") I barely have pictures of some of my favorite things because they were just me living life! Who would've thought I needed a picture of me in the dorms or studying at my favorite spots... it's so ordinary! And that's what makes this all so great... yes, I may have been named an All-American, and I may have gotten to travel to a countless number of states with volleyball, and I may have gotten a ton of sweet gear, etc.... but the things I'll miss most are the things that made up my daily routines and relationships. I have been so incredibly blessed throughout my career at State that I can barely put it into words - the overflow of my heart in praise to God will have to suffice (and of course my Top 10 Sparty Countdown)! So here goes...

#10 - Eating in the Cafe

Yumm... dessert station at Brody!

I never thought I would ever be saying that! Isn't the stereotype that dorm food is horrible?? But I tell you what, living in the dorms for 2 years with unlimited food always available at my fingertips and then having to be on my own was quite the adjustment. So much so that I actually got a meal plan and then once it ran out, I just started asking the underclassmen if I could swipe with their ID to get in :) And I guess I have to premise this one by letting you all know that we don't have just any old college cafes - 3 of the main cafes on campus have recently been redone, one of which (Brody) offers 9 different food stations and is the largest cafeteria in the U.S. behind military bases! Snyder Phillips was the big hit when I was still in the dorms, and now they've redone and upgraded the Case cafeteria, which was in my dorm's neighborhood.

How I feel when I'm at the dorms -
so much to sample, so little time (and stomach space!)

The dorm cafeteria's didn't make my Top 10 just because they've been redone, spruced up, and have amazing food, but I have a ton of memories in the dorms with my closest friends and teammates. After a hard morning workout or afternoon practice - cafe, hanging out all day studying - cafe, just grabbing dinner to catch up - cafe, watching the big game - cafe, having bible study - cafe, being with all the camp coaches during summer camps (and planning our flash mob)- cafe. I read somewhere that being around food boosts your endorphine levels so that your encounters are more enjoyable and remembered. Well, MSU Cafeterias... you have won me over and made not only your yummy food but also my memories there some that will sorely missed!

#9 - My Study Spots 

Getting 2 degrees while being a varsity athlete certainly wasn't a walk in the park. But I did find some amazing places to study that made doing all the hours of homework and studying a little bit better. To start off though, I will tell you what surprisingly did NOT make my list for study spots - my room (which never allowed for more than 30 minutes of productivity) and the Library (which is for muggles, aka the non-athlete... sorry for the stereotype!). A shame, I know, that I can't cross pulling an all-nighter on the 4th floor of the library off my MSU Bucket List, but the other 51 or so items that I've done on the list will have to make up for it. And now onto what the study spots that I will miss the most:

• Grand River Coffee... best place ever! a) good food and drinks b) best study atmosphere around - comfy chairs and waterfall in the middle for some background noise and serenity c) connected to an old book shop if I need a break d) has a patio e) walking distance from campus and my apartments f) I think you get the picture... Not only was GR Coffee a great place to spend the whole day at studying, but it is also filled with many wonderful memories with friends and mentors - catching up, reading God's word, and just being together. As I've had more free time, it's also become a place for me to go and spend time with God which has been a wonderful blessing as well. 
• Speaking of reading God's word - this wasn't one of the places I originally thought of, and I rarely studied here, but Grand Traverse Pie Company will always be near and dear to my heart for a different reason. It was the first place that my best friend Ashley and I read our bibles together in public! It seems silly looking back that it was such a big deal, but it just goes to show that there is always room for spiritual growth in the smallest of places!
• The Smith Center... Club Smith... The Clara Bell... Smith... I spent many-a-night at our academic support services building in lock-down getting papers done and studying for finals. Not only did I get a ton of homework and paper writing/printing done at Smith, but it will also be a place I miss dearly because of my academic coordinator, Mandy (who will be discussed later in the week). Her office always provided warmth and comfort as I was able to talk my worries and stresses of life away!

That's all for Day 1... 8 more 'things' that have made my time at MSU truly incredible and 4 more days left to enjoy them to the fullest and make it count. "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Make it Count

It finally really hit me. When I was on my way home from church I realized that I will only share 2 more worship services with what has become my church home in East Lansing. I don't know if it was out of fear or love or excitement or nostalgia or the fact that EL has become home or what... but I (despite priding myself in rarely crying) started crying in my car. I have less than 3 weeks where I can still call myself a college student and then I'll be an alumni and on my own! What was once a far off and silly thought about my being almost done finally became a reality and it was honestly a little scary. And it still seems pretty bizarre even as I write it again.

Tebow knows what's up!
Philippians 4:13

Through my tears and the somewhat harsh dose of reality, the devil started feeding me lies that I wasn't ready for the next stage of life... that I wasn't ready to move on... that I needed to stay close to what has become my family here. Praise God that our sermon this morning was all about how we can believe in Christ and the power of Easter through God's Word and Means of Grace - I don't have to doubt like Thomas. In the short car ride home, God's word powered through the devil's lies and reminded me that I don't need to doubt my preparedness, but that I am beyond ready for the next chapter with Christ's strength as my cornerstone: "For I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." 

Furthermore in Jeremiah God reminds me: "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  The experiences, hardships, successes, relationships, and time I have spent at State have been purposefully crafted by God to prepare me for the next stage of life. Who am I to doubt and fear that He won't continue to craft my future plans just as beautifully and purposefully? 

Finally, one of my favorite verses that I often turned to during my volleyball career that also provided comfort to me today was Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord God will be with you wherever you go."  Having studied Joshua a little further on my own, it is comforting to see that he was able to have such confidence in God because of his preparedness before he became leader. Joshua was about to lead the Israelites into the Promise Land after Moses passed away. No easy feat if you ask me. But He was receiving godly wisdom and mentorship well before he was asked to lead - just look at the Tent of Meeting for one example. I, too, can have confidence moving forward because I have been purposeful in growing my relationship with God. I am confident of where He is leading me and like Joshua have been poured into by wonderful Christians leaders and believers. I am able to "walk by faith, not by sight."

As I have further thought about one chapter closing and another beginning, I was reminded of Ecclesiastes 3 and how there is a Time for Everything: 

           "There is a time for everything,
           and a season for every activity under heaven:
           a time to be born and a time to die,
           a time to plant and a time to uproot,
           a time to kill and a time to heal,
           a time to tear down and a time to build,
           a time to weep and a time to laugh,
           a time to mourn and a time to dance,
           a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
           a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
           a time to search and a time to give up,
           a time to keep and a time to throw away,
           a time to tear and a time to mend,
           a time to be silent and a time to speak,
           a time to love and a time to hate,
           a time for war and a time for peace."

I'm not meant to stay put in a single season or feeling of life. It's God's will for me to continue to grow in knowledge and in truth of Him and His Word - and that requires me to continue to work and toil and in most instances, move on to new opportunities and experiences. This is actually a gift from God, to be able to work hard. And plus if I read further in this chapter, I see that God has set eternal life in the heart's of men - my ultimate 'time' or 'season' or 'chapter of life' is in heaven with Him!

It's clear that I have no reasons to fear or be apprehensive about my future or even about my time closing in at State. Rather, I can (as I've been reminded from my FINAL {ever!} project for school) by God's grace MAKE IT COUNT. I am able to make it count right now: I can enjoy, laugh, dance, love, and embrace my time and relationships here because my Lord Jesus gives me the ultimate purpose and reason to live life to the fullest everyday. I will be able to make it count in the future: I can look forward with eager expectation to the next season of life God has prepared for me because I know He is walking beside me and guiding me. And because Jesus made his life count - I, too, can make my life count for eternity in heavenly glory with Him forever.

As athletically related as the Nike+ campaign may be, it
could not be any more true for our walk with God. We should strive
to make every day - every moment - every movement
 count for Him and His Kingdom!

Fueling Up with the Savior I Need

At the beginning of this Lenten season, I shared how I was going to literally and figuratively slow down and "Be Still" before God. With Good Friday and Easter - the climax of Lent -quickly approaching, I think it's only fitting for me to take a step back and evaluate how my walk (or drive!) with God went during Lent... have I slowed down? Been intentional? Grown in my knowledge of and relationship with God? Lived passionately for Him?

I would love to answer with a resounding YES! but I know that wasn't always the case. Yes, I did slow down (for the most part), I was intentional with my time with God and others (most of the time), and noticed that I grew in knowledge of the Truth (during parts of Lent). But God doesn't want or accept "for the most part" when it comes to my relationship with Him. That certainly wouldn't have cut it for Jesus' life and death on Earth! How miserable and hopeless we would have been, had Jesus only obeyed God for the most part, or stayed close to his Father in heaven to know His will most of the time, or mostly lived a perfect life in my place?! Praise God that Jesus was fully committed to my salvation!

Looking back on these past six weeks, it's sad to say it only took one trip midway through Lent where I was hurried and running late for me to intentionally start speeding. Then it didn't take long for it carry over into not only being less precise and exact about my speeding in the car, but also into being more busy and 'speeding' through life. I was still mindful of my speed, but caution and precision took a back seat to my own expectations, impatience, and pride. It was an obvious yield sign that I must continually die to old self (Ephesians 4:22-24) and put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) because my sinful nature and the devil are constantly at work within me (Romans 7:1-25).

I noticed myself speeding by placing my to-do's, lists, meetings, and duties (some of which were even spiritual like Bible Study planning or writing in my blog or journal) above being still and waiting upon the Lord. I got wrapped up in my hard work and service but wasn't getting fueled up to sustain my speed and direction. As I have been learning from the wonderful example of Mary and Martha, I put the "Kitchen Service" of working hard and serving before the "Living Room" intimacy with God. The work I got so caught up in was by no means bad, but I have to remember what should always come first and where I find the strength to pursue such tasks - my relationship and intimacy with God! He desires my heart and availability above all else... what an easy request, yet I make it out to be so much harder than it is!

As I started speeding along more and more, I also became impatient with the road blocks and slow drivers in my way - particularly with my knee surgery recovery. I met with my surgeon a few weeks ago, expecting to hear good news because of how well everything seemed to be going. But I was blind-sided - no running, jumping, plyometrics for another 4 months! Rather than trusting that God had my ultimate good and healing in mind, I've been tempted to question His plan in regards to my surgery and health: God, why have you required this surgery so I can't enjoy my normal activities, working out, and even volleyball? I hate biking! I hate swimming! Don't you care that I'm getting out of shape? I started sounding a lot like the Israelites as they were wandering in the desert and speaking against God:

Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!

But when I read further in Numbers 21, I see that when I, like the Israelites, repent of my sins, of my impatience, of my not trusting God's plan... I'm forgiven and healed. God had Moses make a bronze snake for the Israelites to look up at to be healed from the venomous snakes, but I've been given something even better - Jesus' cross and empty tomb.

As Good Friday and Easter approach, I can't help but think how often I choose or desire the "Jesus I want" like the Israelites of Moses' time and Jews of Jesus' time. All of the road blocks and speed traps I get stuck in are a result of my own expectations of what I think my path should look like; stemming from my lack of trust in my cartographer and His ultimate map. I had expectations about what God should do because I was working for Him... Expectations of how I can change others... Expectations of what my recovery should look like... Expectations of Him working on my timeframe and agenda... Expectations that God should make my life easy...

Praise God that Jesus' power is strong enough to break my expectations and that He is the Savior I need. He's luckily not a genie or king or servant answering to my beck and call, because if I'm honest, my heart fools me and I really don't know what I want or need or what's truly good for me. He shattered any power that sin, guilt, my expectations, death, and the devil held on me and gave me Himself! He is my eternal, humble servant King that I see riding into Jerusalem on a donkey on Palm Sunday... He provides personal assurance for me that my sins are forgiven on Maunday Thursday at the last supper... He innocently bore my sins and died a horrible death that I deserved on Good Friday... and He rose victorious on Easter Sunday. THAT is the Jesus I want and need! The Jesus that loves me and will sustain my trip here on earth until He calls me to my eternal home in heaven with Him. 

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who
are perishing, but to us who are being saved, it is the
power of God." -1 Corinthians 1:18

Green Beer & A White Heart

This whole week I have been looking forward to my 'first St. Patty's day at State.' A chance for me to witness the hype and energy of the day and show my Sparty pride while decked out in green. But with the day coming to a close, I'm left feeling disappointed, empty, and confused as to why this was ever even close to a desire. The day certainly didn't live up to its hype! But I, of course, should have seen that one coming...

Sure, getting up early, wearing my favorite color, and hanging out with friends is fun; but for someone whose intention isn't to get drunk and who doesn't love booze like, well, everyone who seems to celebrate this day, it got pretty old pretty fast.

I can't help but think of my earlier post about not being of this world. Although it was fun to be with friends at first, I quickly became bored, tired, annoyed, and irritated with the drunkenness surrounding me. I just didn't belong! Yet part of me had this expectation that I in some way should and am supposed to. This left me feeling even more frustrated, yet hopeful something would change.

Because I was really the only one or thing that could change given the circumstances, I did what only seemed natural for me - went home. Even as a little kid when me and my brother would get in fights, our frustration (and ok, probably our stubbornness) would mount to the point that arguing or fighting would never solve the problem. Our solution: we both went to our rooms and slammed the door. Maybe not ideal to run away from the problem, but at least we weren't fighting... right Mom? ;)

Anyways, I went home - able to bask in my (now royally screwed up) bracket and March Madness. Who doesn't love an entire day of basketball, upsets, and competition?! By far one of the best times of the year. So it's just me and the back-to-back-to-back games. But I had some unexpected surprises. Roommates, friends of roommates, more drunkenness, more messes, and anything but the peace and quiet I was longing for in my own home. And because in my mind, my solution was ruined, I became that little door-slamming child again and let my irritation show. My mind also started getting the best of me: "Why don't I have any other friends that I can go escape to anymore? Why no one that I can kick it with, play catch outside, and have no drunken, St. Patty's expectations? Why are these people ruining my home, my place of peace in order to escape the craziness?"

Clearly all of these frustrations and questions were from a selfish and judgmental heart. As I reflect back upon my day, it's clear that I missed out on the biggest part of my last blog - I'm supposed to be a light! Sure, I wasn't about to have the same experience as everyone else on this "Irish, drinking day" - as a follower of Christ that wasn't my desire nor would it please my Savior. But I certainly could have been more patient, forgiving, and loving to others if and when I was around them and things didn't go my way. And it may be a stretch, but having this attitude while not being drunk could have presented an opportunity to share my faith and explain why I don't indulge in a holiday like this.

So as I get ready to call it a day, I'm left not feeling quite as green, but rather a little blue. Blue that my expectations weren't met and that I ultimately let my selfishness and impatience get the best of me. And based on my day, God has a few reminders for me too:

• "And lead us not into temptation." (Matthew 6:13). Part of the Lord's Prayer that Jesus taught us. This takes a proactive and aware spirit on our behalf. Yes, God will definitely help and give me strength to fight temptation. But He also gives me warnings and ways to avoid tempting and spiritually unsafe situations. Being part of - or moreso thinking that I need to be a part of - the St. Patty's Day celebrations, in hindsight, is setting me up for failure and this disappointed demeanor.
• "I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me." (Jeremiah 33:8). Being broken and frustrated over my sin and the realization that I missed an opportunity to be clothed with Christ is a blessing. In my brokenness, God is near to me and forgives me and comforts me. 
• "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?'...Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:5-6,8). Things may not have gone my way. I may have been upset that I didn't have any friends to go see to get away. And in other circumstances, I may be intimidated and anxious about how certain relationships will work out. But through it all, God will never leave me. He and His glorious blessings never change. He is by my side through it all, reminding me that I always fit in and am always loved and accepted with Him - allowing me to be content. When I have the God of the universe on my side, what do I really have to be upset or worried about?? 

I (unfortunately for curiosity's sake) may not have gotten a mug of green beer to celebrate St. Patrick's day. And I may have been a little disappointed this day wasn't all it was hyped up to be. But ending the day with the reminder that Jesus my Savior is with me and makes my heart and sin as white and pure as snow is a much better color anyways. And hey - together they are the two best colors for any school in the nation!! Go Green, Go White, Go State!! :)

Sparty On! 

I'm Thirsty!

Water, as everyone knows, is essential for survival. It makes up 66% of our body and by the time we feel thirsty, we've already lost 1% of our total water amount. To stay hydrated, I use my handy-dandy Nalgene everyday. But yesterday when I got home from our Bible Study, I was extremely, abnormally thirsty. So thirsty that I had 2 full water-bottles before bed! 

This represents such a great picture... Just as my body longed for water to quench my thirst, so my soul must long for God's word to satisfy me. The Psalmist writes, "As the deer pants for water, so my soul pants for you, my God."

"You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land where there is no water."  -Psalm  63:1

 My soul's thirst is quenched from no ordinary water either. Rather, it’s from the Living Water - Jesus. He said, “Everyone who drinks this (well) water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Oftentimes when I start drinking water, I can’t stop because of how good, refreshing, and satisfying it is. God's word is the same way. That's why I found it so ironic how thirsty I was after Bible Study! After getting a taste of His precious word, my instinct was and should always be to want more - because it’s the wellspring of eternal life! "Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed are they who take refuge in Him." 

This Little Light of Mine

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world." (John 17:15-18)

Do you ever feel like you don't belong? Sure, we've all had that awkward and embarrassing moment when we're not picked for a team or not chosen by the cool kids. But what about feeling like you don't even belong in the world? That being faithful to God goes beyond getting questioned for the way you behave, to the point of getting discouraged people don't see things the way you do? That besides having your Christian circle of friends and family, you feel like you're it?

That may sound pretty extreme. But I know that when I'm on fire for God, the rest of the world seems stupid and I just want out. I'd just as soon be up in heaven with God, away from the falsehoods, the sin, the ignorance and stubbornness, and selfishly - away from the annoyances and temptations.

But God has a different plan... He knows I'm not of the world, and in fact, he continues to sanctify me (make me more and more holy - like Him) so that I can know his truth better. I'll thereby be less and less of the world (and perhaps more discouraged by it). And yet He has me here for an even greater reason and purpose.

You would think that with how evil the world is, how it continues to grow in evil and against God (i.e. think about the history of America and Christianity)... that God would protect me by taking me away from it so that I don't fall away, right? Wrong. He has faith in me, He is protecting me, and He will always be with me. Jesus even prayed on my behalf that God would protect me from the evil one. And when I am continually sanctified and in communion with Him, that is bound to happen.

I'm not of this world, and that's ok. Jesus wasn't either! But while I'm still here, I should learn from His lesson and command... I'm "sent out into the world." God wants me to be a "light on a hill." Rather than cowering away in a corner to be protected from evil, I'm supposed to go out in it, and share the Truth.

But it's strange. For how much I can be on fire for God and frustrated with the sin and people around me, I still find it difficult to share and be that light. When I'm outside of my protected circles - say bible study, church, Christian friends, or even my blog that I've identified as my Christian voice - I try to blend in. God has given me a voice, His power, His word, courage, a platform. It's time for me to use it, not second guess and be scared of posting or saying something Christ-like for fear of not belonging!

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!"

Just as light from a candle, bulb, or the sun can't be hidden even by a blanket or the clouds... so, too, the joy and light I have in Christ cannot and should not be hidden! It should be a beautiful, natural radiance that shines light into the darkened world. And I'm called, chosen, even commanded to share this precious light and truth with others so they, too, can be a light!

I think Matthew says it best in Chapter 5: "You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." I may not feel like I belong, but that's ok... because I have a precious light, I'm going to walk by faith and let it shine! 

A Committed Life

Yesterday morning when I was getting ready for church, I hit the snooze button just a few too many times. I was therefore also running late. But, no speeding for me during Lent!! At first when I was leaving my apartment, I tried justifying it in my head, "Well, God, don't you want me to be in church on time? So it should be ok for me to speed to get there... just this once." But I knew I shouldn't because I had already made that commitment to Him not to speed so I can literally and figuratively slow down.

This turned into quite the blessing in disguise. Ok, nothing major like missing an accident... well, who knows actually. But I was able to spend some time on my own in worship in my car. After, of course, I prayed that God would help alleviate my impatience and frustration. Which also subsided.

When I did get to church, our sermon lesson was about Abraham being tested by God to sacrifice his only son Isaac (Genesis 22). Now there is a picture of someone walking by faith, of a Christ-centered commitment... nothing like a Lenten sacrifice of not speeding.

Clearly Abraham was upset and confused by this test and trial that God presented him - Isaac was his only son, born to him in old age, and supposed to be the offspring of the promised Savior! But, even in his doubt and hurt, he - and even Isaac - complied, trusted God, and obeyed what God said. He was committed in his faith and trusted God's plan, as confusing as it may be. In turn, because of his faithfulness, God stopped Abraham before he actually sacrificed his son. And he provided a substitute ram for the sacrifice instead. Just a few of the many reasons we shouldn't doubt God's plan:

• "For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." (1 Corinthians 1:25). We don't have a CLUE when it comes to God's plan. I'd like to think as an Academic All-American that I'm pretty smart, but to come close to the wisest man? Nah... I mean, it's not like I came up with the Fibonacci code (do I even know what that is?) or invented electricity or anything. And this kind of mind-blowing wisdom on earth... that's rubbish and foolishness to God. Hahaha. 

• "In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." (1 Peter 1:6-7). These trials and tests aren't for God's pleasure and enjoyment. They're for us. God uses tests and trials to reveal what's on the inside of our heart and purify us, refine us, and make us pure and holy. Not only is our faith in the midst of these circumstances credited to us as righteousness (Hebrews 11) but we also find out that God is more faithful to us than we ever thought. God shows up for those who love and follow Him.  

This lesson from Abraham and Isaac is such a beautiful picture of what God had to go through when sacrificing his son Jesus for us. God was clearly upset and in agony over having to sacrifice and abandon his only Son. But he loved us enough to go through with it anyways (John 3:16). When we are faithful and believe in Him, Jesus acts as our holy, perfect substitute before God. God followed through on his commitment to us so that I can be saved and live in heaven with Him. I think a little commitment about not speeding... or reading my Bible... or being devoted in prayer... or loving others as myself... can be followed through out of love and praise to Him too.

The sobering and sacrificial sight of what our sin cost our Savior.
The ultimate picture of sacrificial love and commitment. 

Be Still

I'm a control freak. I'm such a Type A personality. I have lists for any and everything. I try to be efficient and end up being unproductive. I hurry. I overthink. I make little things bigger than they need to be. Whoaaaa, yikes! That's probably not the way to attract a handsome, attractive young man, is it?! ;) I probably didn't need to share all of those lovely qualities... but I'm sure if you're honest, you can all relate.

Because my life seems to be a big 'to-do' list, my intimate time with God tends to be put on the 'when-there's-time' list. Oops!

This season of Lent, I truly do desire to know my Savior more intimately. I need to get rid of the distractions, the busyness, the hurry... and simply be still and sit at His feet. By doing so, I know a natural progression will arise that will allow me to:

• Better know Jesus, His love for me, and His perfect life lived for me
• Recognize and repent more openly and honestly of my sin
• Understand the holiness and awsomeness of God my Father
• Realize my utter dependence on Jesus my Savior and better understand His passion and journey that he endured for my sake
• Serve him more joyfully and freely 
• Ultimately continue to be still and sit at his feet more and more - because who wouldn't want to come to a fuller knowledge of all of these wonderful truths?!

That sounds like a lot, even for me, Miss List Queen! But it's not more I have to do. It's not my own ability or knowledge or will-power that God desires or needs to make this transformational heart change. It's actually less. It's availability. And that can be done when I just slow down and realize that my life and my lists really aren't that important. But knowing my Savior certainly is.

"Be Still and know that I am God; I will be exalted
among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." -Psalm 46:10

To help me be more still and slow down to avoid spiritual distractions this Lenten season, I'm giving up speeding. Weird, right? But it makes sense. Speeding just incites a spirit of hurriedness. Which leads to feeling like I always need to be going somewhere to do something. Which leads to this incessantly distracted, busy, and spiritually thirsty girl.

I'm also going to be learning and studying from a beautiful example in the Bible: Mary and Martha, in "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World." One woman who was distracted, over-worked, and frustrated. One, who was still, quiet, and available. And through this study, I hope to better understand how I can sit at my Savior's feet while still accomplishing the tasks that need to be done. How to be devoted in worship before accomplishing my work and service. How to have the "better life" that Jesus tells Martha about.

God just asks for my availability. He will do the rest and be exalted through me and my work. What peace and comfort Psalm 46:10 brings to this busy and striving young lady!

The Feast

I wouldn't classify myself as a picky eater. At all. I love and will try 99.9% of the food items you place in front of me. Except bleu cheese. Well, I did try it at one point. I was even tricked into thinking I'd get money for trying it too (Dad......!). So not only was the taste an utter disappointment, but not receiving money for what could very well be the worst piece of food on the planet made it even worse. I hate bleu cheese. Period.

Well, what's that have to do with anything? Some dry, crumbly, gross food... big deal! It may be a stretch, but I think God is thought of as my bleu cheese to a lot of people. Dry, unappealing, acquired, and something that ruins what could've been a really good dish. This is exactly what the devil wants me - and the rest of the world - to think about God and being a Christian. That following God is boring, dry, unappealing, only for those acquired "Jesus Freaks", and that it will ruin what could've been a really good time or experience.

The devil would like me to believe that my God is like bleu cheese. The devil is the "thief (that) comes only to steal and kill and destroy:" Trying to make me believe lies that being a Christian is no fun. That following God isn't worth it. That I can't enjoy myself to the fullest if I follow all those rules and get boxed in by what the Bible says. That I need to find my self-worth in 'things' of this world like the acceptance of others, relationships, being successful, or having my life in order. So while I hear and maybe even listen to these lies, I am robbed of the abundant life I have in my Savior. And if left unchecked, the thief will not only rob me, but kill and destroy my soul and life with God, both here and for eternity.

It is in these moments of doubt and falsehoods that I must remember the beautiful promise at the end of John 10:10 - "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; but I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." In Jesus I have the abundant life. He is gracious enough to let me enjoy this abundance not only with Him, in heaven, for an eternity; but also here and now - on this sinful, rotten, bleu cheese of an earth! This life is the appetizer to the feast in heaven, and none of it has even a hint of bleu cheese on the menu!!

But what is the abundant life? How can I even experience it if I have a list of things I can't even do, things that, by the way, seem pretty fun? Well, Jesus is "the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14:6), and Jesus also said that "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish" (John 10:28). So eternal life is Christ's gift to those who believe and He, in fact, is the life. I receive Christ and eternal life... good... but what about right now?!

He says He has given me "life to the full," and that certainly doesn't mean just in heaven. Examples of full, abundant, and overflowing blessings and lives are not only scattered throughout the entire Bible, but also in my own life. It doesn't take much to notice how gracious and good He has been. His abundance is all around me: The loving relationships of my parents, brother, family, and friends.  The beauty in nature like beaches, rainbows, a peaceful snowfall, mountains, flowers, and the sun shining through the clouds. The joy of being able to engage and participate in my passions like volleyball, piano, being creative, and helping others. The ability to work hard. The health and protection of me and my loved ones. The loyalty and love felt by and for a dog. The plan for my life that has unfolded seamlessly. The protection from sins that could damage my heart and soul. The forgiveness and unconditional love when I need it - which is of course all the time! And most importantly a personal relationship with Jesus, my Savior. If all of this is just an appetizer - yet Everything I need in this life (and without any "bleu cheese" lies) - I cannot wait for the feast of the abundant life in heaven. Eat up!

Beautiful Feet

Intentional walking. Hmm, that seems obvious and redundant. After all, don't I always walk with a purpose, having somewhere to go or someone to see? Physically, of course that's almost always the case: I walk around my house to get ready in the morning, I walk to my car to go to work or class, and even when I get lost while walking, I still had a purpose in mind! Not only am I intentional with my steps, but efficient... getting from point A to point B as directly and quickly as possible. In the physical sense, I am always walking intentionally.

However, I don't think intentional walking is always the case spiritually as I walk through life. I often start off with good intentions, but become distracted, lose focus, and end up coasting through or stumbling along. My feet become like that of a infant and I start going in circles and take 4 steps back to go 1 forward. That, or I get in my efficient walking mode and cruise right through, oblivious to the circumstances around me. As a result, my relationships with God and the people around me become anything but intentional. Yet Jesus' whole ministry was focused on pouring into others, even as he washed their feet - the very tools used for such intentional walking!

"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" -Romans 10:15. The disciples' feet were beautiful not only because were washed by Jesus, but because of the purpose and intentions of their paths. All of these men put their lives on the line to share the gospel, to reach out to and be aware of others, and to love deeply and unconditionally.

So, in this last semester as a college student as I am about to leave what is known and embark in another new challenge, how can I, too, have such beautiful feet? How can I be prepared for the next chapter while still leaving a lasting footprint on this one? It will take my being intentional. First, with my walk with God. Being fed and in communion with Him, recognizing His work in my daily life, and growing closer to my Savior... "walking by faith, not by sight," -1 Corinthians 5:7. Second, with the people and situations around me. Pouring into others and fostering the relationships with my friends - on a deep level so that they will remain in love beyond graduation.

Such intentionality will require my Type A personality to slow down, and maybe start to stroll through life, just as if I were walking through campus or downtown on a nice day. No time frame or agenda, just an observant, content, and inquisitive state of mind - enjoying what the walk has to offer. I'm excited yet a little nervous to embark on this walk through my blog... something so new and tangible and with such accountability! But what better way to share my journey's path with its ups and downs, pit-stops and roadblocks than this medium. So please, come along on my journey. Walk, and have Beautiful Feet.